Breaking News: Library Collections Threatened by Insect Invasion

A newly discovered insect genus, liber vermis, is threatening library collections across the globe. This pest, which comes in various shapes and sizes, voraciously consumes books in large quantities, devastating carefully managed collections within a matter of days. Difficult to identify and nearly impossible to stop once it has begun attacking, the library world has been forced to take drastic action, beginning immediately.

Interim Library Director Amy Groskopf assures the public that Davenport Library will not give up without a fight. “Libraries have long been the repository of human thought. The potential loss could change the course of history. We must remain calm and united”.

Sadly, liber vermis has been detected near the Davenport Public Library and we are asking you, our loyal patrons, for your support during this difficult and potentially catastrophic crisis. Everyone will now be required to walk through a bleach spray bath (fairly low health risk) before entering the library. All patrons will be required to wear a face mask and disposable gloves (available for a small fee at the Customer Service desk)

Books and magazines can no longer leave the facility. Glass viewing boxes have been installed at all three Davenport libraries; the 12 most popular titles (as determined by our librarians) will be shown each month, with the pages turned once every hour. There will be no “turn backs” for slow readers or missed pages – you will need to wait for the next time the book is shown.

If you think that ebooks will save you, think again. Although it is still not clear exactly how the liber vermis destroys books, scientists believe they attack the actual word, not the material of the book. In fact, ebook words are far more vulnerable, and one infected book can wipe out an entire ebook collection within minutes!

The best way for you to fight this invasion is to memorize your favorite books. Then you can read and review them in the privacy of your own head as frequently as you wish, safe from invading liber vermis. Good luck.

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APRIL FOOL! Haha! There is no such insect called liber vermis (very badly translated Latin for book worm!) and, at least at this writing, there is no need for bleach baths or disposable gloves. Also, you are still free to touch and choose any book you would like to take home (provided you have a valid library card of course!).

This fake story was beginning to sound a little bit of a cross between George Orwell’s 1984 and Jasper Ford’s Thursday Next series wasn’t it?! It does help make you appreciate the great freedom we enjoy, to read what we want, when we want and to maintain free thought. That’s what libraries have always done best – open doors for everyone, no matter your education, interests or beliefs, there is a place for you at the library (again, so long as you are polite to all and bring back your library books!)

Happy April Fool’s Day!

One thought on “Breaking News: Library Collections Threatened by Insect Invasion

  1. Gahhhhhh! Totally Jasper Ffordian– I could feel myself itching to call Thursday on the footnoterphone to ask for help!

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