“Trauma isn’t just the sadness that comes from being beaten, or neglected, or insulted. That’s just one layer of it. Trauma also is mourning the childhood you could have had. The childhood other kids around you had. The fact that you could have had a mom who hugged and kissed you when you skinned your knee. Or a dad who stayed and brought you a bouquet of flowers at your graduation. Trauma is mourning the fact that, as an adult, you have to parent yourself. You have to stand in your kitchen, starving, near tears, next to a burnt chicken, and you can’t call your mom to tell her about it, to listen to her tell you that it’s okay, to ask if you can come over for some of her cooking. Instead, you have to pull up your bootstraps and solve the painful puzzle of your life by yourself. What other choice do you have? Nobody else is going to solve it for you.”
― Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

Published in February 2022, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma by Stephanie Foo discusses complex PTSD and the uphill battle for a diagnosis and treatment. Stephanie, a journalist and former radio producer for This American Life, details her journey to diagnosis, the roadblocks she hit, and how she was able to reclaim her agency from the trauma she faced as a child. This book was powerful and hopeful, while at times completely devastating. Stephanie acknowledges at the beginning that this book may be difficult for some to get through and gives permission for those readers that need to to skip ahead as much as they need. What My Bones Know is a brave memoir that isn’t afraid to stare down the tough parts of the past in order to find a way to help the present.

As an adult, Stephanie had all the looks of success: her dream job at This American Life and a loving, supportive boyfriend. Even though she had all this, behind the scenes Stephanie was a mess. She found interactions with others to be difficult, often crying at her desk every morning and suffering from debilitating panic attacks, alternating with intense bouts of anger. What was causing this behavior? Stephanie sought out help from a therapist and was eventually diagnosed with complex PTSD, a condition that results from trauma that happens continuously over many years. This diagnosis didn’t immediately switch a flip in Stephanie, leading her to be instantly cured. Instead she found herself looking for ways to heal through research and interviews with experts.

As a child, Stephanie suffered years of neglect as well as physical and verbal abuse at the hands of her parents, which led to both of her parents abandoning her when she was a teenager. Stephanie always believed that she had dealt with her feelings regarding those situations and that she had ‘moved on’, but when examining her complex PTSD diagnosis, she realizes that her past was creeping into her present with the potential to destroy her career, her relationships, and her health. Her journey to healing was made difficult by lack of resources and limited study of complex PTSD, so Stephanie decided to treat her diagnosis as she would treat a new job: she would do her own research and conduct her own interviews. In this memoir, Stephanie seeks out experts in the field, travels to her California hometown to interview friends, and flies back to Malaysia where she was born to question her relatives. She tried new therapies, investigates the wider influence of immigrant trauma on families and communities as a whole, and looks into how trauma slides through generations, impacting those not yet born. Throughout her journey, Stephanie documents her ups and downs, highlighting how she has changed through the years, while also acknowledging that everyone’s journey will differ through their own individual processes of discovery.

“Being healed isn’t about feeling nothing. Being healed is about feeling the appropriate emotions at the appropriate times and still being able to come back to yourself. That’s just life.”
― Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma