“When we are not free to say no, we are not free to say yes either.”
― Tia Levings, A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy

Tia Levings grew up surrounded by religion. She believed that in order to be a good Christian, she had to follow a set of life principles or rules that non-Christians weren’t allowed to know. These secret, special rules would guide her and her future family to salvation and protect their souls. As a young wife, Tia was recruited into the fundamentalist Quiverfull movement, guided by her new husband. Their relationship was rocky right from the start, but as she was raised to be silent and defer to the men in her life, Tia followed his directives. As a godly and submissive wife, Tia’s new routine centered around isolation, strict discipline, and living a wholesome life as the keeper of the home.

While their lives looked wholesome to outsiders, inside the home was another story. The fundamentalist teachings that she was raised with led her to an abusive marriage with little hope to escape. Thinking that what she was going through was somehow sanctioned by God and that other women were also going through this, Tia stayed. The longer she stayed married, the more dangerous and rocky her life became. Her husband laid down rules for the family that Tia had to follow, but also that could spell danger if anyone outside the home discovered. She wasn’t allowed to vote, visit doctors, put her children in school, or miss church sermons. Outside help was frowned upon.

While Tia struggled to keep the family together, her husband struggled to find his calling. He moved the family around the country searching for new churches that fit his religious beliefs. As a firm believer in patriarchy, he expected complete submission from Tia, perpetuating a cycle of patriarchal men and submissive women that Tia rebelled against. Through access to the internet, the library, and friends, Tia started to resist and question how she lived and the beliefs she as told to follow blindly. Having opinions proved dangerous. Her decision to learn more than what she was told eventually led Tia to a choice: she either had to face the consequences of her actions or escape with her children and start a new life.

This memoir broke me. Wanting to learn more about the teachings of Fundamentalist Christian religion and the struggles of women inside, I knew A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy would start me down that journey. Reading about her religious journey, her husband’s extreme views, and the details of the many churches they joined was difficult. I felt a wide-range of emotions while reading this book, at times crying with sadness, screaming with anger, and laughing with joy. The abuse and heartache that Tia endured destroyed me, but the fact that she was still able to discover her own thoughts, feelings, and her own voice that allowed her to leave and become her true self left me grateful she had the strength and will to write this book.

“Years later, on Instagram, I’d read a meme that read, ‘Why were we taught to fear the witches instead of the men who burned them?” And who were witches, anyway, but women with knowledge, skills, and names?’ “
― Tia Levings, A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy