Author: Bill

Clash of the Titans

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norrisWhat happens when one unstoppable force meets an immovable object? That’s the subtext of this coffee-table style kitsch book, Chuck Norris Vs. Mr. T: 400 Facts About the Baddest Dudes in the History of Ever.   This 176 pages lets the reader ponder brief sarcastic koans about the strength, potency, and astrophysics-bending possibilities of these two demigods in a spin on the American tall tale.
I know Chuck Norris jokes are kind of 2005, but Mr. T is in this as well, and they’re pretty dang funny.

“Chuck Norris can beat a brick wall in tennis.”
“Mr. T sleeps with a pillow under his gun.”
‘The McRib sandwich only comes back when Chuck Norris is in the mood for one.”
“Mr. T doesn’t breathe.  He holds air hostage.”

For fans of Walker: Texas Ranger and A-Team alike.

Frugal Librarian #15: Incredible Bulk

- Bill 1 Comment

frugallibrarianThis is not a health blog.  Check here for the endless amounts of oatmeal benefits.

It’s funny how I used to view A.M. food as competition for coffee space.  Now I wouldn’t know what to do without a trough of it on the passenger side floormat.

Steel cut oats have a whole slew of advantages, the most important of which, they taste absolutely nothing like the stuff that comes in the cardboard tube with the old man on it. They’re actually…awesome.

Here’s the frugal part.  If you’re willing to pay what everyone else forks over, the lowest you’ll find in town is $3.20 a pound for a 24 oz. bag of Bob’s Red Mill.  This is America, and middle America at that.  We should be able to buy it by slow-moving-vehicle.  After much Internet scouring,  I feel foolish to admit the final stop was the QC’s own Greatest Grains store.  For maximum chagrin, say the business name slower.

If you’re willing to buy them in silo-sized amounts, they knock the already attractive $1.49 down to $1.19 per pound.  Use that savings to find yourself some big tupperware containers.  With 25 pounds of “organic” horse feed in your closet, you’ll need it.

The Original Energy Drink

- Bill 1 Comment

beer exhibitBefore Red Bull and Monster Drink the victual of health around Davenport was a frothy mug of suds. There weren’t national brands in refrigerated trucks endorsed by athletes and scantily-clad models in the first half of the century. Each town had their own local brands, crafted by mustachioed laborers using recipes from the Fatherland.

For the 20 percent of Davenport Germans, it was a beverage steeped in tradition and culture, and one of the few remaining creature comforts they could control. They did so with a flourish as a number of brands sprung up in Davenport, including Mathias Frahm and Son, Koehelr and Lange (also known as the Arsenal Brewery), Littig Brohers, and Zoeller Brothers.

All of this information is featured in the latest exhibit at the German American Heritage Museum as you look at snapshots of the malthouse workers, tavern operators, and ancient conetop cans and vessels.

I found it to be a fascinating little tour and a great excuse to visit the GAHC for the first time, at the low Depression-era price of $2.

Frugal Librarian #14: Flip the guzzler

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junkPush it in, pull it in or drag it in…then write it off.  If you’re in the market for a vehicle, first drop a couple dollars on a gas hog.  Either scour the want ads, or go through the boonies looking to liberate “yardcars.”  Then, that junker just became your primary vehicle….wink.

According to this brand new piece of legislation, a new vehicle buyer will get up to $4500 in incentive money for buying a vehicle with significantly improved mileage.

Frugal Librarian #13: A day of public services

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servicesGas is hovering around 2.50 a gallon, not to mention the beast that will get you there needs to be insured, lest some dingdong a quarter car-length away is getting their last driving texts in before the law passes.

The standard entertainment fodder, the motion picture, will set you back ten bucks a head (if you only see one feature while past the ticket kid) and they’ve even raised the matinee prices!

Dark times indeed, recessioneers.

I propose a day built around free entertainment you may have overlooked.  Enjoy your public and city services.

Even if you’re not a ball fan, there is some romantic nostalgia about listening to a sporting event on the radio.  Radio?  Whats that?  It’s something you’re practically issued at birth.  The Windy City and St. Louis has representation on the dial, as well as our own River Bandits.  Radio, incidentally, was the frequency to be on during the Swing marketing regime.  You could still have some civic pride without the embarrassing visual that it was your team in the powder blue and the mascot was a sunglasses-wearing monkey who is an implied jazz enthusiast…or something.

If you flip over to the public radio side, you’re going to find premium music and entertainment programming.  Some of these operas, classical music, news, and comedy/quiz shows cost 5 figures a year to syndicate in this town.  They only ask that you toss them a few shekels during fund drive week.  If you don’t remember when that is, they’ll kindly break into programming like an audio Jerry Lewis every five minutes to remind you.  There’s a lot of great stuff out there floating in the ether if you’ve got a decent command of the weekly program guide.

Most cities, like Davenport, have multiple parks. I have never driven by Vanderveer and not seen people having a good time at any given hour of the day.  If you consider physical fitness a good time, there’s more than enough of that in store if you have a decent pair of running shoes.   Borrow a Frisbee from someone and toss it around in one of the city’s numerous Frisbee golf courses.  In general, most of those outdoorsy types are some pretty mellow cats, so don’t worry about cliques.  And as far as flora and fauna, if you’re over 16, gasp, it may cost you a DOLLAR to gawk at the displays!

I’d be remiss to not mention the greatest entertainment savings of all, your local library.  Preaching to the choir, I know.

“But Froogs, how would I get there,” says the cynic.   Davenport Citibus is free on Green Saturdays.

You can empathize with that

- Bill 1 Comment

free for allIt’s a comfort to read about the daily struggles of your counterpart in another setting. For some, this can serve as occupational therapy. For others, just the pleasure in knowing some scenarios are identical no matter where you go. The social mores of your fellow working-class schlub can lead to a-ha moments of “I know that guy, save for a different name, age, and shirt.” This is the case with mandatory viewing like NBC’s the Office television program, or 1999 cult film Office Space.

That was my impression of Free for All: Oddballs, Geeks, and Gangstas in the Public Library by Don Borchert. Some of the shocking tales of this Los Angeles Public Library clerk, you’ll be surprised to know, might trump even the mighty DPL’s offerings.

Are there any tales or films about the everyman that resonate with you?

Frugal Librarian #12: Joe is thicker than water

- Bill 2 Comments

2207162644_bf88558cb2Those two cups nobody wanted from this morning have lost their aroma and flavor as a straight beverage. They’re not good for anything except tomorrow’s 6AM supercharge, with the characteristic post-slurp wince.

This neat tip from the May 2009 Consumer Reports’ Shop Smart magazine: “Coffee is a great flavoring, says chef Steve Petusevsky, of Roundy’s Supermarkets.”

-Freeze leftovers in ice-cube trays and add to iced coffee. This trick keeps your iced coffee from getting watery as the cubes melt.

-Substitute coffee for the water in brownie or chocolate cake mixes. It imbues a richer flavor.

-Replace part of the liquid in stews or barbecue sauce with strong coffee. Again, the coffee adds to the flavor, and you can save your wine for drinking!

-Substitute coffee for water in your favorite baked-beans recipe or add a litle when heating canned baked beans.

-Use coffee as a meat marinade. it imparts a subtle flavor, its acidity helps break down tougher cuts of beef or pork, and it adds a nice earthy flavor to poultry.

Summer Spins Pt. I

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Of course the record labels all want artists in their stables to be the big summer hit on every car stereo.   I can’t speak to which ones they’ll crow about,  but these are a few new titles we’re getting of interest.

April

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Tinted Windows – Tinted Windows I don’t know what to make from this Frankenstein band composed of various rock pop acts from the last 30 years.  I’m curious to find out what happens when  you mix in the drummer from Cheap Trick, the guitar player from Smashing Pumpkins, the bass player from Fountains of Wayne and the singer from Hanson….that’s what I said…Hanson.

Beck – One Foot in the Grave This is a re-release of Beck’s second album from 1994, prior to Mellow Gold and the hit track, Loser.  Apparently a more acoustic feel, and, included in the re-release are 13 previously unreleased tracks.

May
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Crystal Method – Divided by Night Looking forward to this one. Everything they turn out has a few bassy floor busters on it that take the drudgery out of house chores or risk giving you a speeding ticket

Yusuf Islam – Roadsinger The politically-embattled artist formerly known as Cat Stevens comes out of musical hiding for the first time in decades.  Lets hope it works out better for him than it did for Guns and Roses.

June
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Moby — Wait for Me Multiinstrumentalist and electronic pioneer Moby is sure to have a disc worth at least one spin of your time.  It’s hard to predict what old gospel blues refrains he’ll sample in to a layered composition.  If his past works are any indication, it will be painstakingly crafted, sell millions, and possibly take home Grammys.

Dave Matthews Band – Big Whiskey and the Groogrux King I’m not a fan at all of this world/funk/acoustic outfit, but there is no denying that this dude’s ensemble sells out stadiums…fast  This album dedicated to saxophone player LeRoi Moore who  passed away last year.

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Brad Paisley — American Saturday Night A contemporary artist with a traditional country sound,  cuts off this forthcoming album are sure to feature this frontman’s signature fast-picking guitar licks.

Black Eyed Peas – E.N.D. Reunited after Fergie and Will.i.am’s solo work, this fifth studio album will be supplemented by opening for U2 on the road

Green Day – 21st Century Breakdown Their adolescent punk anthems of my teenage years have given way to more political tones and concept albums recently.  According to one review I’ve read, this is a rock opera that follows a couple living in the American Dystopia.  I’m thinking little ditties about Jack and Diane, who are all in all just Bricks in the Wall.  One guarantor of success is Butch Vig (Nirvana – Nevermind, Smashing Pumpkins –  Siamese Dream) behind the mixing console.  Now if only I could find a way to fight the feeling to apply for AARP every time I see a tween in the library with a Green Day shirt.

Be a frequent checker of our Forthcoming CD’s section of the website.  You can get your copy reserved before they even hit our shelf.

Frugal Librarian #11: Nothing dandy about ’em.

- Bill 1 Comment

frugallibrarianOn a non-librarian note, why do children’s book romanticize the innocence of the ilde days of youth spent blowing apart the tops of dandelions? They don’t need any help!  These sinister cold-blooded pests are designed in a sadistic laboratory as the most pure mechanism of mass-dispersal and reproduction since Captain Kirk played a Barry White record for the Tribbles.   Let us all hope a James Bond supervillain does not harness any of the design specs of the dandelion for biowarfare.

That being said, we have weapons to combat the “yellow menace.” Rather than put 12 bucks on my Menards card again, next time I’ll tap into a very pervasive organic weedkiller recipe I’ve discovered on the Internet.  Vinegar, sometimes salt, and a little bit of dishsoap seem to be the common elements…that comes to about three dollars by my estimation.  Just don’t get it on any plants you care about.

I Hate Your Guts by Jim Norton

- Bill Leave a comment

nortonAs a follow up to His #4 New York Times Bestseller Happy Endings, Jim Norton’s latest, I Hate Your Guts, takes the caustic comedian/radio host’s comedy to a simpler and deadly accurate level.   Norton levels the barrels at various public figures with the kind of invective that would make most people blush. Look out Hillary Clinton, Keith Olbermann, Jesse Jackson and Derek Jeter!

If this were a film it would be about two off-ramps past rated R.  Each victim gets rended limb from limb with a several-page salvo of crushing analysis/insults.  Part of you feels badly for them, but when he’s done, you’re pretty sure they must deserve it.