Choosing Civility by P.M. Forni is the basis for initiatives by cities and libraries across the county. A slim volume, it has concrete ideas for individuals and for the community at large.
The author talks about the difference between manners and civility, and makes the case that good manners are the tools to promote civility. Manners have gotten a reputation as something that are phony and ineffectual, but, in fact, the purpose of good manners is to show that you think the best of those you encounter and you assume they have only the best motives. You can’t control the rude and callous behavior of those around you, but you can choose to do everything you can, large and small, to make the world a more positive place. This philosophy, in fact, has been shown to increase one’s own happiness.
Being able to have some control over one’s daily interactions is a powerful idea.
The website of the American Library Association promotes Civility & Diversity: “When it comes to finding information and instruction for how to become more civil, there is probably no better source … than Emily Post’s Etiquette. ” In the workplace, a civil atmosphere promotes customer satisfaction “when co-workers work together, they work better, enriching our users’ experiences.”
I’m going back to “Gramma” School. Yup, this month we were blessed with a new grandson, so I’m looking forward to spending some time with the little guy and his big sister. Being a grandmother really is one of the best things in life!
However, I’ve discovered (surprise, surprise) that a few things have changed over the last 30 years, so it seems that one must approach this “parenting-that- is-grand” phase with a life-long learning approach. One aspect that is usually different – though not always – is that grandparents have more time. For me, this rings especially true with reading. As a former teacher, I knew the “read-it-again” rule about re-reading books that kids like, because they learn from the repitition. With my own children, I probably managed 3 or 4 read-it-agains in one sitting. But as a grandparent, I’ve read and re-read certain books 8 or 9 times — or at least so many times that I was certain we had both memorized it and that I was going to go insane if I read it again. (I copped out and suggested that maybe Grandpa could read it again after bathtime.)
Oh — you want to know what that book was? Well, it’s Martha Doesn’t Say Sorry by Samatha Berger. It’s a delightful little picture book with lots of pink coloring, though I could never figure out if Martha was a seal or a weasel or what kind of animal she was, other than a cute one. And why did my precious, perfectly behaved granddaughter want to read that particular book so many times? I’ll never know. I didn’t ask. Oh, yeah, that’s just one of the other little rules I’ve learned in Gramma School.
Are you planning a wedding? If so, you might find these titles helpful.
Miss Manners’ Guide to a Surprisingly Dignified Wedding, written by Judith Martin (aka Miss Manners) and her recently married daughter, Jacobina, is done in the traditional “Dear Miss Manners” question and answer style. This in itself is pretty entertaining … well, don’t we all secretly find another person’s dilemma or faux pas a little humorous? Right, as long as it’s not us!
Interspersed throughout are practical, informative comments. For example, “Wedding as Fundraiser” is listed as one of Three Terrible Ideas (the title for chapter three.) Times have changed, but hospitality still takes the cake.
Another book I wished I had read before my son got married (sigh –it was published a year later) Anyway, Mother of the Groom by Sharon Naylor is packed full of practical insights. It’s not just about the rehearsal dinner anymore! And no, you don’t have to shut up and wear beige. Well, you don’t want to upstage the bride and critical comments are best kept to yourself — so I guess it is still kind of true.
Have fun planning!